Did you find adjusting to married life difficult? Did it have to do with the fact that you were expected to be well-trained in household chores from Day 1, but not your husband?
My husband and I found it so freaking hard to adjust with each other. We were dating for almost two years before we got married and were pretty sure that our marriage would be nothing short of a life-long honeymoon.
Little did we know that we were completely unprepared for the tornado that was about to hit us – LIFE. We found ourselves constantly bickering, in addition to dealing with the never-ending household chores.
Even when I tried to my best to see that everything was in order, it dawned on me that Mr husband was clueless about how to deal with that order itself.
He, like most Indian men, had always been told to focus on becoming the breadwinner for his future wife and kids. Unlike his sister, he was never asked to help in the kitchen or help around the house.
Basically, gender stereotyping ensured that my husband did not possess basic life skills. Thankfully, he came around and did learn quite a bit on-the-job. With an open mind and willingness to genuinely become an equal partner in life, he started to pitch in with household chores regularly.
Needless to say, it made me immensely happy. But, it also made me question our social setup. Even in the most ‘liberal’ households, sons are not taught any of the basic life skills. These include cooking, doing laundry or even buying groceries (which absolutely requires a certain set of skill people!)
Whereas, the daughter is not only expected to know everything that a son does, but also master the skills mentioned above. It seems like in our country, parents start training daughters to be perfect wives and daughters-in-law from the day they are born.
It’s as if parents completely forget that a functional household needs equal involvement of all family members. It means that as much as we want our daughters to learn all aspects of homemaking, we will have to teach our sons the same skills too.
Sometimes parents fail to realize that the difference in rules for sons and daughters means they are indulging in gender stereotyping. When you ask the daughter to wake up before the son, yes it inculcates good habits in her, but at the same time, it reaffirms the son’s acquired sense of entitlement.
The seemingly harmless difference in the rules paves way for their future life and how they will deal with the ‘other’ gender. While the daughter may grow up to be a perfect homemaker and a successful professional, the son may probably won’t be able to cook himself one decent meal at the end of the day.
Learning essential life skills is not gender-based. Irrespective of what the society has conditioned us to think, household chores are an equal responsibility of both partners. The only way to ensure this is to let go of the gender bias and start young. Every person on this planet must be well-equipped to deal with adult life and managing a home is absolutely vital to that.
Asking your daughter to be more involved in chores, compared to the son, is not going to help anyone in any way. The mold of stereotyping can be broken only if a child is viewed as a person and not as a girl or a boy. In my opinion, it is never too late.
Let’s start training our sons too! Because growing up applies to both the genders doesn’t it?
DISCLAIMER: The opinions expressed in this post are the personal views of the author. They do not necessarily reflect the views of Aweekinlife.com. Any omissions or errors are the author’s and A Week In Life does not assume any liability or responsibility for them.